Nanny Knows Best

Nanny Knows Best
Dedicated to exposing, and resisting, the all pervasive nanny state that is corroding the way of life and the freedom of the people of Britain.

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Prats of The Week - Sainsburys'


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Monday, September 29, 2014

Nanny Is Mother, Nanny Is Father - The Lunchbox Inspectors

My thanks to a loyal reader who pointed me to an article in the Mirror (the paper that thinks it more newsworthy to entrap a foolish MP into sending a picture of his meat and two veg, than to report on more pressing matters such as the war in the Middle East) about Caen Community Primary School in Devon, which is removing food such as chocolate, crisps and fizzy drinks from pupils' lunchboxes.

For why?

Seemingly the school is acting on advice from the NHS and the Children's Food Trust.

Those lunchboxes that contain "Red" foods (eg colas etc) are confiscated until the end of the day, and the child given a healthy alternative. Those lunchboxes that contain "Amber" foods (eg white bread) give rise to a warning letter sent to parents.

All of this may be perfectly well intentioned, but it rather misses two points:

1 It is not Nanny's role to bring up other people's kids

2 The contents of a lunchbox does not give rise to an obese child, it is the daily diet and exercise regimen of a child that determines the size of that child. Unless Nanny intends to dictate the latter this policy will fail.

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Saturday, September 27, 2014

Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin Arrested!


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Friday, September 26, 2014

Nanny's ID Checks


My thanks, and commiserations, to a loyal reader who has had a devil of a time trying to prove his identity.

What was he trying to do?

Fly to Syria?

No!

Obtain a passport?

No!

He was trying to buy a house!

Read on:
"Ken,

I wonder if you can advise on something or at least let your readers know of the stupidity of the current rules on this situation?

As a person who never travels out of the UK and who doesn't drive I have a Provisional Photocard Driving License primarily as a method of proving my age and ID when appropriately challenged.

You can imagine my surprise when I attempt to purchase a property then that they tell me this isn't acceptable ID for my solicitors to do Money Laundering Checks on me to prove I am who I say I am!

I then offered my birth certificate up to my marriage certificate to prove my current identity. They wouldn't accept that either!

I was then told to go away and get a passport or a FULL driving license in order to be able to purchase property in this country.

This has occurred with 2 separate solicitors. Luckily I have now found a local one who is happy to accept my Provisional License Photocard as ID and I should now be able to purchase a property!

It seems the government have tightened Money Laundering Regulations so far and made solicitors so scared that *they* will be held at fault and face potential jail for a fraudulent transaction that many solicitors are willing to refuse clients over something as silly as whether they have passed a driving test or not!

Let alone for someone who doesn't drive, doesn't have a provisional and only has "paper" documents with no photo who'd be even worse off....

For reference I phoned the Money Laundering reporting line (the only number I could find for the 'area' of conduct) and was told they couldn't advise me. I phoned DVLA who say that neither full or provisional licenses are actually valid to use as ID technically but there is no distinction in the controls over the two so if they accept one they should accept the other. I also phoned the SRA who advised me they know of no such issue with Provisional licenses, or of any guidance issued not to accept them for Money Laundering checks!

If you don't drive or travel abroad be prepared to be marginalised more and more in this country! 

Which is mad considering the government want people not to drive or travel so much in the first place!"
Comments are welcome, it seems daft to me!

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Thursday, September 25, 2014

Eat Ponies


In a splendidly robust piece of advice the Dartmoor Hill Pony Association (DHPA) says the best way to save herds of ponies on the ancient moorland is by creating a "market" for them by eating them.

It follows comments by Princess Anne endorsing eating horses to improve their welfare.

Like it or not, when there is a market for an animal there is usually an incentive to breed it and care for it (until it is slaughtered). Hence the fact we have cows. Were we to stop eating cow/beef and using their milk, cows would die out.

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Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Mars Helps You Work, Rest and Play


Congratulations to India for successfully putting a satellite in orbit around Mars.

This success, at I dare say some expense, leaves me wondering why Nanny sends aid to India each year?

In fact, according to the BBC,  India was the biggest recipient of bilateral aid from the UK, receiving an average of £227M a year in direct financial support over the past three years.

Given that, according to Millipede and co, everything is falling apart here should charity not first begin at home?

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Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Nanny Bans TV


I see Nanny's chums National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (NICE - often featured on this site) have got their knickers in a twist about how fat we are.

Their solution is hardly earth shattering, exercise more by turning off the TV and having TV free days. Oh, and for good measure, cut down on drinks with sugar and takeaways.

Sigh, has Nanny not been saying this many times before?

Why does NICE think that regurgitating the bleeding obvious will make a sea change in people's behaviour.

Oh, I know, they need to justify their existence and the funding that they receive!

Anyhoo, that aside, recommending TV free days is somewhat 1980's. NICE appear to be oblivious to the fact that many people now watch "TV" via their computers and mobile devices. Given that they are so out of touch with how people live in the 21st century, how one earth can they be trusted to give us advice?

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Monday, September 22, 2014

Drink Only Water

I see that Nanny has become so paranoid about obesity, that she has resorted to telling us that in order to avoid gaining weight we should not drink anything other than water.

Seemingly, if some "research" carried out on seven people (yes, SEVEN people) published in Nature is to be believed, artificial sweeteners in diet drinks and food could cause obesity and diabetes.

The hapless seven volunteers were asked to consume the equivalent of 40 cans of diet cola a day for a week.

Guess what?

There blood sugar levels went berserk!

Now call me "picky", but who that fark drinks 40 cans of diet cola a day?

Anyhoo, based on that load of bollocks Dr Katarina Kos, Senior Lecturer and Consultant in Diabetes and Endocrinology at the University of Exeter, is quoted by the Telegraph:
The study is based primarily on mouse experiments and only seven human subjects were studied. The findings require further confirmation prior to making firm conclusions. Larger scale human studies and funding are urgently required controlling for overall calorie intake."
Adding that water was the healthiest drink option.

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Friday, September 19, 2014

Go On Have a Fag!



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Thursday, September 18, 2014

Live Coverage of The Scottish Referendum



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Wednesday, September 17, 2014

The Scottish Referendum - Independence Day


With less than 24 hours to go before the polls open in Scotland (the English aren't allowed to have a say about a decision that will affect them), the consequences of what will happen after the vote (whether it be "Yes" or "No") have not been realised by many.

In the event the vote is "Yes", the aftermath will be a bitter messy divorce as each side digs in to entrenched positions. It will be expensive, protracted and ugly.

In the event the vote is "No", the promises made by the leaders of Britain's three main parties (eg the continuation of the Barnet formula) will be vetoed by English MPs.

The vote is not an end of the argument, but the precursor to months and months of ugly and protracted arguments.

Well done Nanny for totally farking things up for everyone!

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Tuesday, September 16, 2014

The Evils of Sugar


As per Professor Philip James, Honorary Professor of Nutrition at the London School of Hygiene & Tropical Medicine and past President World Obesity Federation, quoted in the Telegraph:
"We need to make sure that use of fruit juices and the concept of sugar-containing treats for children are not only no longer promoted, but explicitly seen as unhelpful."
How ironic that fruit juices, still being promoted by Nanny as part of her ludicrous "five a day" policy, are now being demonised!

Wrt tooth decay caused by sugar laden juices etc, if you must guzzle these juices by the gallon, then drink them with a straw (so the juice doesn't go over your teeth) have some cheese (unless Nanny has banned that as well) afterwards to neutralise the acid.

Regarding giving kids sugar laden shite, that is down to good/bad parenting. A good parent rations the sweet shite for special occasions only, a bad one uses sweet shite as a "pacifier" to keep its brats quiet.

Go figure!

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Monday, September 15, 2014

Nanny's Panic Over Scottish Independence

Nanny is in a right old panic over the Scottish referendum on independence, due to be held this Thursday. The polls, if they are to be trusted, show that the vote is too close to call.

A "Yes" vote was never in Nanny's plan when she allowed the vote to go ahead, for she thought that Scotland would vote "No".

Whatever the result, the fact that this has highlighted the dangers to Nanny of giving some people (not the English or Welsh) a say in how (not who by) they are governed means that there is no way on earth that Nanny will grant us the right to vote about our continued membership of the EU.

Oh, and whilst I think about it, if Scotland wants independence why does it want to stay in the EU?

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Friday, September 12, 2014

The Lost Year



I am gemused to see that, according to Macmillan Cancer Support, the average Briton spends almost a year of their lives hungover.

Hoorah!

Suffice to say Nanny doesn't quite see it in that positive way. The charity is running a Go Sober for October fundraising campaign, and is vexed that we should spend a year hungover.
 
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Thursday, September 11, 2014

Nanny Bans Ladders

Oh dear Nanny has got her knickers in a twist over the health and safety issues regarding ladders, or rather the health and safety issues regarding the use of ladders when feeding tigers.

Step forward Nanny's chums from Barrow Borough Council, who have decreed that zoo keepers at South Lakes Safari Zoo must not use ladders when feeding the tigers, because the zoo keepers may fall off the ladders.

Ahem...has Nanny not considered that feeding tigers may actually be a tad more dangerous than climbing a ladder?

Apparently not!

Health and Safety inspectors served the South Lakes Safari Zoo, with a notice under section 21 of the Health and Safety at Work Act 1974. This means that they can no longer place food at the top of 20ft poles so their critically endangered Sumatran tigers can climb up and practice their hunting skills - a favourite attraction for visitors to the zoo for almost 20 years.

Barrow Borough Council has told the zoo that it must stop the feeding event, which is witnessed by thousands of visitors every year.

The Telegraph states that it is estimated that zoo staff have climbed ladders more than 75,000 times since 1996 “for the huge welfare benefit to the animals”.
"Even though the keepers now wear helmets, strap the ladders to the poles firmly and have permanent foot fixing points for the ladders, Barrow Borough Council wishes to stop us from feeding in this way as they claim it to be too dangerous for the staff." 
Nanny has her head up her arse on this, the tigers need exercise and the zoo keepers are more than happy to feed them in this manner. QED there is no problem, and the practice of feeding the tigers in this manner should continue!

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Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Nanny's Advice To Hunters



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Tuesday, September 09, 2014

Scottish Independence - Whither Nanny?


With nine days until the vote on Scottish independence, it looks as though it will be a very close run thing indeed.

I would very much like to hear from loyal readers their take on what will happen to Scottish and English Nanny, respectively, in the event that Scotland votes "yes" and "President" Salmond takes orifice.

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Monday, September 08, 2014

Euro Nanny Browned Off Over Toast

Oh my giddy aunt, it seems that Euro Nanny is now flapping around like a cock in a hen house over the dangers of toast!

The European Food Safety Authority claims that toast should be eaten only when it is a light yellow colour, not brown.

For why?

It seems that brown or burnt toast contains acrylamide which, if taken by the bucket load, increases the chances of cancer.

Well whoopy do!

There are many foodstuffs and drinks that, if consumed by the bucket load, doubtless increase the chances of cancer. However, as with all things, eat and drink a variety of stuff and you will be as fine as you can be (ebola, ISil, politicians etc permitting!).

For good measure, Euro nanny is also up in arms over other forms of browned foods (eg roast spuds). Therefore, were we to follow her strictures, we may as well shoot ourselves; as all of life's pleasures will have been banned!


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Friday, September 05, 2014

E Fags Are Great!

Oh dear what a confusing world we live in, when it comes to trying to determine whether we should smoke a fag or an e fag!

Loyal readers will recall that recently WHO, the organisation that is doing a "great" job of controlling the Ebola outbreak, was bemoaning the dangers of smoking e fags indoors lest people breath in second hand vapours.

Additionally, yesterday, I noted that some "research" had been carried out int eh USA that warned that smoking e fags would lead people to illicit substance abuse.

Well, barely 24 hours on, and other experts in the filed have denounced all this scare mongering as bollocks.

For every million smokers who switch to e-cigarettes, more than 6,000 lives a year could be saved, according to the University College London team.

The National Addiction Centre based at King's College London and the Tobacco Dependence Unit at Queen Mary University noted that the assumptions made by WHO were "misleading" (that's science speak for "bollocks").

Professor Robert West of UCL is quoted by the BBC:
"You have to be a bit crazy to carry on smoking conventional cigarettes when there are e-cigarettes available

The vapour contains nothing like the concentrations of carcinogens and toxins as cigarette smoke.

In fact, concentrations are almost all well below a twentieth of cigarettes."
Confused?

Don't be, simply start smoking cigars and pipes; clearly they are the least dangerous of all!

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Thursday, September 04, 2014

Fags Healthier Than E Fags

According to "research" carried out in the USA the use of e fags may be the route to using illicit substances.

Therefore, are we now to assume that real fags are healthier than e fags?

Will Nanny be encouraging us to smoke real fags in order to wean us off e fags?

What a confusing world we live in!

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Wednesday, September 03, 2014

Walk!

A simple free method of keeping fit, mobile and slim. That doesn't require an Intervention by Nanny.

Why has no one thought of this before?

Oh, I know, Nanny has dumbed us down so much we have to be told how to do it.

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Tuesday, September 02, 2014

Celebrity Nudie Pics Shock Horror!

The media frenzy over the leaking on the internet of so called "celebrity" nudie pictures is all very well and diverting, if you have nothing better to write about or report on.

However, who would have thought that uploading naked pictures of yourself to the internet would mean that they would one day risk be "leaked" (or shared) to the world in general?

Who would have thought that?

Whilst you can't legislate against stupidity, it is doubtless this hooh hah will be used by Nanny as an excuse to impose controls on the net.

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Monday, September 01, 2014

Fatty Fatty Task Force

Oh dear, Nanny's chums in the medical profession are stressing themselves out again about how fat we have all become.

In an open letter to the chief medical officer for England, Prof Dame Sally Davies, the Royal College of General Practitioners and 11 other organisations say "an entire generation is being destroyed by a diet of junk food and sugary drinks".

They want an action group, made up of doctors, nurses, dieticians, dentists and schools, to be set up urgently. The want better co-ordination of obesity treatment services so that all children can be encouraged to eat healthily from a young age.

They also call for a raft of other measures, including:
  • increased support for the National Child Measurement Programme
  • improved investment in IT programmes for weight management
  • more training in malnutrition and obesity for GPs and other health professionals
  • outreach projects to educate families about the dangers of obesity
The letter's signatories recommend setting up a national Child Obesity Action Group to tackle the problem.

All of this would be all very well if it were not for the fact that we are already bombarded with information, advice and lectures from all manner of sources about how fat we are and how we should eat properly.

The reality is that some people really don't give a monkey's about their food intake and "lifestyle" (wrt exercise etc), short of enforcing exercise and rationing certain types of food Nanny is never going to change these people.

I have no doubt that some of Nanny's chums would love to directly intervene and enforce mandatory exercise and rationing (eg via "fat" taxes). The trouble is, the rest of us who are not obese and who are capable of leading a balanced lifestyle (wrt eating, drinking and exercise) will end up suffering from Nanny's interference.

In the not too distant future the global price of food staples (grains etc) will rise (due to an increase in demand from Asia Pacific and other developing areas). Thus the obesity issue in the West will be taken care of by the laws of supply and demand, as people will be forced to eat more healthily and cook more for themselves in order to make ends meet. Nanny doesn't need to distort the market, nature will take its own course and resolve the issue.

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Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries